Tonight my husband and I have plans to sit down once the kids go to bed and go over our monthly budget together. I am actually really looking forward to this. For one, it will be a time that we can spend talking things out and planning our future. For another it keeps him in the loop with what is going on. I handle all the finances for the family. I pay bills, write checks for school lunch, know what we pay for insurance, etc. Sitting down with my husband and going over expenses every couple weeks lets him know where his hard earned money is going.
One of the main topics I want to discuss with my husband tonight is our children's allowance. Here is my dilemma. We have a son who will be 16 in 2 weeks. He is very involved in school sports and activities.. He is also very social. Once a week his basketball team goes out to dinner. There are also times where he wants to go with his friends for lunch or after school for a "snack" (with a teenage boy this means heading to Burger King for his first dinner).
As of right now we give him $20 a month for an allowance. He has to pay for his own extra activities. We bought him a school pass which allows him to get into all the school related sports events for the year. So that is one expense that is already covered. The problem we are having is he is running out of money very early in the month. For example his team had a dinner at IHOP the other night. His meal, along with tip (which is another item we have to discus with our teenager himself) cost almost $15!! 2 days into the month he is down to $5.
I want him to be involved with school and friends but I also don't want to go broke in doing so. Since he does not have a car we don't have to deal with gas or insurance but that is going to have to be discussed in the near future as well.
I know we have a lot of options. Unfortunately $20 a month, won't get you very far. Ideally he should get a job and pay for some of his expenses. However, like I said he is involved with sports each month and I think this is very important and teaches him a lot of life skills. He is doing great this year with his grades, really striving to get a good GPA so that he can get into college. I don't want him to have to work many hours each week and then see his grades slip. I also don't want to cause more stress, since I think teenagers already have a lot more stress and peer pressure these days then we did as kids.
There is a lot to think about and discuss. I am curious, any of you with teenagers, how do you handle finances? Do you give an allowance? Limit the amount of activities they do? Require them to get a job?
If you solve this one, please let me know. Ugh. Constant issue at our house too!!!
ReplyDeleteWith 5 teens the carry the drink from home and eat off the $1.00 menu has helped a great deal! The kid budgets $2.00 plus tax , the kid pays half and the parent (allowance money covers half) When mine drove they had drinks in the car for this very reason and even sold a drink or two cheap to a friend to earn his half for his food. This week the Welches Fritz are on sale at Walmart so if I get them to buy those with half my cash half their cash using coupons. Then they are set for about 10 days or so.
DeleteIf you can, I'd say give him a "raise" until summer when he could get a seasonal job (parks & rec, pool, lawn care, etc). I think you're exactly right--kids should concentrate on school and activities if at all possible and not have to work during the school year. It's hard to watch them spend $ on going out to eat, but I suppose there are far worse things he could be spending $ on. Can he take on a few extra chores? Babysit? Or make a little extra cash shoveling (if we ever get snow)?
ReplyDeleteWe pay our babysitter $10 per hour to watch one 2 year old who is sleeping most of the time. If he's willing to do that, he could earn enough money for the month in one or two nights. And he could study while the kid is sleeping.
ReplyDeleteI was amazed to find our son's grades improved when he got a job during the school year - he had to learn to be more efficient with his study time. It didn't seem to cramp his social life. He has never been without a job since...that early work experience taught him he could do anything and he had to learn to be responsible to keep his job. Notice I said "he" learned to be responsible - not Mom and Dad. A valuable lesson to think about when you make your decision.
ReplyDeleteOf course, he wanted the independence of earning his own money and was willing to work hard and keep up his grades to do it. It has stood him in good stead in first the Navy and later in his work and married life.
I know what you mean about not wanting a job to stress him out more, but honestly I think a job is important. I'm not talking about working a bunch of hours, but even a few hours a week will help out. Places like HyVee & Fareway are AMAZING with working around a High School schedule. I know a lot of teenagers that work a few hours a week at those two places. Yes, sports creates much needed social skills, but so does a job. Once he is earning his own money he will be much less "frivolous" with it. Just my two cents.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on this. Frivolous about a $3 pop, but when it's their hard earned money, they choose free water instead.
DeleteObviously we don't have teenagers yet but I remember my own years in high school. I played a different sport every season of the year so I never actually had time off, including the summers since I played softball.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am SO glad that I also worked during that time. Remember the Country Market? My first job taught me SO MUCH. So many valuable lessons about life, balance, saving money rather than buying whatever I felt like, helping others, counting change(seriously didn't REALLY learn that until then!), just plain old responsibility. Not to mention, I had much less down time to get bored and get into trouble.
For a while I even worked 2 jobs(jewelry store) while still staying involved in school activities and keeping a high gpa. I don't feel like I missed out on anything, rather that I was so blessed to have the opportunity to work during those years. Those jobs carried me through college because that work ethic had already been established. I not only learned how to manage my money but how to manage my time.
As much as people want the social life that school provides, the lessons learned and experiences gained from working will last much longer, a lifetime. Those social times are fun once in a while but there is so much more to it than that. The responsibility he would learn from working now is something he will thank you for later.
When he is earning his own money you can help him learn to budget it and make it last, an extremely valuable lesson. When it is his money and he realizes that there is no back up atm when it runs out, he would likely stop spending $15 for one meal!
One last thought, if you are paying him an allowance and want to be able to raise it until he gets a job, I would make sure that he is truly earning it. We don't get paid to live in our home and eat our food, we work for it. That means going above and beyond simply taking out the garbage and grumbling all the way. It means doing the hard stuff too. I'm sure you can find plenty of projects around there for him to do in his down time without having to be driven somewhere to work.
Just my two cents!
Maria
OK one more thing...in all my years of playing sports I can't imagine my parents being ok with us going OUT to dinner as a team once a week! I imagine my mom would have let me pick one night/month to go and I just would have had to miss the other nights. As a family we didn't even eat out that often and we still don't. Why would they do that? Seems excessive to me and I am sure there are other parents in your situation that just really can't afford it.
ReplyDeleteWe would have parents offer to cook a big pasta dinner and have the kids over to their house instead of ever even thinking about going out to eat. Maybe that is something you could try to start? If you spread the meals around you wouldn't have to spend near as much as you do to send them out to eat. That is just crazy to me!
Hi, I'm not a parent, but I am teacher/mentor/friend to about 140 high school students. I teach 28 of those business. You might want to look at the website www.themint.org it has lots of games, ideas and resources for life business skills. I don't advocate credit cards but there is a spending game, there are savings games etc as well. It's an interesting tool to let students practise saving, earning and spending and then when they get in a financial holes (eg, spending) you can go through with them about what they are doing.
ReplyDeleteAt 16 he's like most of my students - more social options with little money to spend. A part-time job is definitely the answer but the draw back to getting the money for social event, is of course less free time to be social. It's a great life lesson for them. Can he get a stipend for coaching or refereeing junior games at the elementary school?
The best advocacy I can think of for getting a part-time job is this: a solid earning resume early on. It will be a tough job market and having any employment record is preferable to none, especially when it comes to renting or buying a house or getting a car.
Let me know if you try themint.org, I've been using the website all year with great successes.
You may have to ask yourself if you want to teach him to "keep up with the Jones" on your dime, or if you want him to figure out how to solve his problem himself. If you give in on this, you may be raising a child who will be living in your basement when he's 30.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Maria - going out to eat once a week with the team is excessive. You know there must be other kids who are in a similar situation, or whose parents can't afford this expense. I agree that a team treat once a month might be acceptable, but having parents host a potluck once a week works really well. All my daughter's cross country team gatherings were in team members' homes, and they were potluck, with the hosting family making a main dish, like spaghetti and everyone else filling the meal out.
ReplyDeleteOr, if it is team building they are looking for, perhaps having the team volunteer as a group at a soup kitchen, or cleaning up an empty lot, or picking up roadside litter. There are a lot of ways for young people to have fun together and do good at the same time, none of which have to be expensive.
I agree that your son should be doing more if he expects more allowance, and that a summer job might be a good idea for him.
My 17 year old played year round sports for 2 years and has a 4.0. There was no way she could have worked w/ pracices 6 times/week plus all advanced classes. Last summer, for the same reason, tne thing she did was (she doesn't like babysitting) walk around our closest neighborhoods with a flier she made listing what she could do as odd jobs. Painting, pet-sitting, dog-walking, yard work, window washing, organizing, etc. She has gotten a TON of jobs, anything fom cleaning out someone's fridge to cleaning all the blinds. It has been great. Just today she starts a 10-day pet sitting job. Local, walking distance, not full-time but GREAT extra $$. This summer she'll expand (we'll have another car when she turns 18) and work all over. I think she'll make more than she would minimum wage, and already has met some great people and has some great references.
ReplyDeleteThis works all of mine did this with every moment of free time that they had. The flyers said I am available and each child put down hours that they were available so if one child found they had saturdays from 2-3 they would put that down every moment was filled and they made a ton of cash and they did meet great people and the references are amazing!
DeleteI also think it is excessive to go out to eat with the team once a week. Is this a coach organized thing or did the kids decide it? I'm not sure a way around it except to request cheaper places and also teach him to order better. $15 at ihop is a lot for 1 person's meal.
ReplyDeleteJobs are hard when you have a tough schedule to work around, but I worked all through high school and did other activities and I managed. He will too. That being said - can YOU hire him? Maybe he could clean out the chicken coop for you once a week for $10 to eat out with his team. Do you have a relative that could hire him once a week for something like snow plowing, raking leaves, mowing the grass, etc?
My son is only 13, but so far we have handled it like this. If it is a school, church or sports team sponsored event we pay for it - an amount that we think is reasonable. So last week I sent him with $10 to eat at the concession stand of a concert. He didn't think that was enough so he took his own money to supplement. I will pay their way into a sports event, but snacks are on him. My 9 year old went to the movies with a friend tonight. I paid for his ticket he paid for snacks.
My 13 year old has a job though that he got in the neighborhood that pays $20 a week. I make him save $40 of that each month and he gets $40 for spending. He is quickly accumulating a lot because how much can a 13 year old spend really? A 16 year old though - $20 a month is probably not enough to eat out once a week with the team AND have any spending money other than that. let us know what you decide!
So many great ideas and advice. Thank you to everyone that responded!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately our evening last night didn't go exactly as planned so we are still working on a solution. We are leaning towards having him work for any extra money he is wanting for the month (which we are currently doing) and eating out with the team and/or friends is going to be limited. He can either do chores for us and/or relatives and neighbors willing to hire him. He is also wanting to get a job on the weekends so we are going to allow that.
Once we get a plan in place I will share it with you. Thanks again for all of you who took the time to offer advice!
Sara, I'm a bit late here, but I have a 17 yo son who does not have a "job" per say, but he does work. He is expected to keep his grades up, help around the house (which he does very well), and he volunteers at a deaf preschool. We do not give him an allowance, but we do give him money. As long as he is doing the things he is supposed to be doing, we give him money here and there. Like when he wants to go to a movie with friends, I give him the money for a ticket and maybe a drink. Or, if he watches his brothers and sisters so my husband can go out, sometimes we will give him a $20 bill as a thank you. Not always, but just sometimes, so it's a surprise and not an expectation. If the budget is really tight, I might give him money to go out with friends for ice cream, but tell him I would like the change back. He knows if I ask for the change, he needs to be mindful of what he spends. It might be the time to buy just a single cone and not a banana split, if you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if anyone mentioned it before me, but one thing that has been wonderful is including our son in our family finances. It has been our experience that when he knows our goals and challenges, he really wants to be part of the solution. When something major happens, like a hospital bill coming in, he knows. Since he knows, he will often not ask to do a lot that costs money. I don't know if you already do that, but it might help.
Glad to find your blog. I just recently found it and really have enjoyed it!
Thanks April I really appreciate your comment.
ReplyDeleteWe've never given an allowance to the children. We figure their normal chores are a part of being a family. But we do pay for extra jobs at times. Our teenagers earn cash by babysitting the littler ones at times. Of course we buy them the things they need.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Poppy. Our kids aren't paid for doing chores. In fact I don't even refer to them as daily chores, rather daily responsibilities. We give them a set amount of money each week and this amount does not reflect what they have done for work around the house.
ReplyDeletesomeone told me pre-kids that allowances are socialism. if he's out of money, he's out of money. have him sit with you during your budget talk if he is not getting the budget talk at school or through real life so he can understand the situation you and he are facing. my older two had classes in 7th and 9th grade about budgeting their time and money. I believe that a kid's job is to be a student first.
ReplyDeleteMy kids get money through working for grandparents -- not like unloading groceries from the car and vacuuming because they have poor spinal health, but big things like chopping trees and shoveling all the driveway and sidewalk, and shoveling for neighbors. Things I would pay for.
On the other hand, they were raised with the corporal acts of mercy, and know that deeds for the elderly should just be done "because." Money is secondary. It's the same for babysitting. They do it because it is right to do and they are good at it. So that being said, these are all very occasional jobs. They have no steady employment. Alex barely works this month, which is why she was gone Sat. If they happen to not get paid by a neighbor or grandparent, they're truly OK and aren't chasing anyone around with an invoice. They abide by God's law, which happens to be really similar to the Boy Scout law.
so no allowances at our house. the kids ask if they want something that they don't have cash for. i know one mom who allows activities only if the kid arranges the transportation (she has ten kids). I'm not like that. I will drive them. They are usually limited to one thing at a time.
ReplyDeleteI would also say that peer pressure is all their (and your) perception. What they think is important is important because _they allow it to be that way_.
We were in the exact same boat when our son was in high school(now he is 20 and in college, but we still have two teenaged daughters). Our son was involved in EVERYTHING at school and also very social. We thought it best to keep him involved in school activities instead of demanding that he quit school activities and find a job. What did we do? We increased his allowance. He was expected to do more chores at home to compensate for the increase. He also made it known to family and church members that he was "for hire" to do any odd jobs.
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, my oldest daughter(a senior in high school) doesn't do ANY sports or clubs. She isn't "social", but is a homebody like her mama:) She is going to high school and working almost 40 hours a week after school and on the weekends while maintaining an A average. We don't give her an allowance at all and she generally has more money in her checking account than I do!LOL
Melinda
I have a 14 year old son. We give him $20/week to pay for school lunch and what is left is his to do with what he wishes. He video-tapes for his school's varsity basketball team, so we have to put gas in the car to take him to all of these games or to catch the bus and bring him home when the game is away. We live 25 miles round trip to his school, so it is not just a skip and a hop for us. With gas prices the way they are, this puts a strain on our fuel budget. He gets into the games free, but any snacks or drinks he pays for with his money. There have been several times that he has taken a drink from home to keep from paying high concession stand prices. I also always try to feed him before he has to leave, but teenagers have a ravenous appetite! My son has a sideline job in which he helps his uncle and he gives him some money at times. He also does odd jobs for his grandparents which results in $5-$10 here and there. He also helps out on the family farm and has 5-6 cows of his own. My husband is self-employed and I am a stay-at-home mom (I do office work for my husband). Sometimes it gets pretty tight (we have another son in college but with scholarships, grants & a job he is pretty much self-sufficient), but I think it is so good for kids to be taught to work for what they have and not to expect a hand-out all of the time. My son doesn't have any set chores but is always willing to help me whenever I ask. I think each family has to work out what is best for them, but you have really gotten some good advice through the comments. I got some good ideas that I might just try also! Great Post!
ReplyDeleteI had 5 teens at the same time they were all involved in a ton of things. # 1 thing I did was set them up at birth with bank accounts every gift they ever got ever toy they grew out of that was sold, every clothing item etc the money went into their account. So they had that to start but this was also considered a college fund. In addition when they got old enough if they saved me a quarter with a coupon it went in their account.
ReplyDeleteSo, In Addition have him carry a drink with him even if it is only water. Have him order off the $1.00 menu two small burgers are better than one large expensive meal. Get the teams to focus on dinners or lunches at picnic sites or folks homes. I voluteered to make Lasagna many times to get the teams to realize that eating in the great outdoor was much cheaper than eating at a cafe or other dinner out. Make a Eggplant or other type of Lasagna if nothing else. The over all answer is highschool and college is expensive really expensive you can cut some corners, however the student can work weekends and breaks to make cash to and help offset some of the cost. You as his parents have to decide how much you can afford to help him with cost.