Friday, February 20, 2009

Not Feeling Like Supermom

I am feeling a little stressed! Can you believe it? Having 4 kids, all boys none the less, one a teenager, one wanting to be a teenager, a preschooler who wants to do everything himself and a toddler who never stops moving and is great at throwing tantrums Do you blame me for being a little overwhelmed? While I love them all to death, there are some days that are so challenging. I feel like I have had more and more of them lately.

What started this whole debate with me tonight was that I missed giving my youngest his nightly medicine. While it isn't horrible that I forgot, the fact is I have forgotten it at least 3 times this week. Our evenings are so chaotic, and I never seem to have enough time to get everything I need to get done.

I think what I need to do is sit down and really prioritize my day. I think that getting on a better schedule would really make a difference. I feel like some days, we are all over the place. We clean a little, bake a little, go downstairs and throw a load of laundry in, do a little school time, clean a little more, oops someone forgot to take their vitamin, run some errands. It seems like nothing is ever consistent. I don't think I need to have a minute by minute routine but I think I need to get my days a little more organized.

I seem to have endless to-do lists, laundry, cleaning, and planning and almost each night I go to bed and I sit back and think "what did I miss today?" There are days when I feel like I completely fail as a parent, a housekeeper, or a spouse. It is hard to juggle so many things at once. How do you make sure each child gets the attention they deserve?

I think the most important thing I need to do is sit back and see what my priorities are and fulfill them first. Then everything else needs to fill in somewhere. I think getting on some sort of schedule for each day will help me. Scheduling certain things for specific days instead of trying to do it all in one day. And the things that HAVE to be done each day take priority. I am really bad at that.

Do you schedule out your days? How do you keep from getting so overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of being a wife and mother?



    First, I would have to say, don't be so hard on yourself and don't try to BE supermom, that's a lofty goal that we all have to be more realistic about. We are only one person and as much as we want to be everything to everyone, sometimes it just isn't possible. I know for myself, I even blogged about it once, the more "supermom" blogs I read, the more of a failure I feel like. We have to remember we are only seeing a super small fraction of the life of mommy bloggers and they don't have it any more together than we do!

    I do strongly feel that being more scheduled is a great idea, even if it's only in a way of doing like you said and prioritizing what you need/want to do each day. I have always been a scheduled person and I have noticed that our kids function best on a schedule when they know what to expect next, within reason. Being spontaneous is fun sometimes too.

    We have our loose daily schedule of morning chores/routine and getting ready for the day, play, school, lunch, freetime, etc. all kind of falls around the same time "most" days. Always room for flexibility.

    The best thing that works for me is the day-to-day idea though. I do most cleaning on two certain days, run errands on one certain day, have one day designated as a 'do nothing' day when we stay home all day and play catch-up, grocery shopping is done the same night every week, laundry is typically done one or two of the same days of the week. I only really plan to do crafty stuff once a week, that way I'm not as overwhelmed. If we get in more that's great, less is fine too.

    I find that if I can schedule in at least most of the major daily tasks like laundry(instead of throwing in a load here and there), cleaning(do a couple rooms a couple days a week-then just have daily tidying up time), running errands and shopping, it frees up so much more time to be home for baking, cooking dinner, free time, crafts, etc.

    I also don't try to plan daily lessons at this age and I don't think you should feel like you have to do something "school-like" everyday with a 2 & 3 year old. The kids are learning just through living right now and as long as we are talking about everything we do and encouraging them to be involved and ask questions it's not as important that they are doing hands on crafts every single day. They have so many years ahead of them to be doing "school" that at this age I just want them to be encouraged to learn through reading, playing, living and having fun daily.(my opinion!) Maybe plan to do those activities on 2 or 3 certain days of the week as if they were in a preschool program?

    I hope that all makes sense, sorry for rambling. It does all come down to prioritizing what is most important and necessary for you and your family, not what you think you have to or should be doing to be supermom.

    Ease up on yourself and plan a date night for you and your man once a month so you guys can stay connected too.

    Take care,

  2. I totally agree w/ Maria! I used to not have a schedule before my youngest DS was born with special needs.(now I can't hardly function w/out one!) A flexable schedule will help you a lot! I have 2 days a week that are cleaning days. I do laundry every day and cook every day. I have 2 days a week that I run errands and grocery shop. I have one planning day a week that I menu plan organize coupons fill out rebates and do all paperwork.You will see some of the stress ease when you have a plan and follow it! Don't forget to schedule yourself some mommy time!

  3. once you have your priorities and list figured out, train the kids to work. all the kids can help with laundry, all of them can scrub a tub or a floor with baking soda, all of them can clean a window or mirror and sweep and vacuum. they can all do meal prep. that is the best time to talk with my boys -- while they are grating or chopping. everything has its place and every place has its thing. train train train, the earlier the better. it gets much easier when they can all read. but also know that you live in a house all the time. it won't be spic and span because of that. if you all left the house daily for eight hours, then that's a different story.

  4. Thanks for the posts. You are all awesome.

    I definitely need to sit down and make a better schedule of my week or just a schedule! And also making a list of priorities. I like the idea of only shopping a day or two a week. I also think I would like a cleaning schedule with occasional tidy ups. I do give the older boys chore lists each Saturday and they do the majority of the cleaning that day. Throughout the week, they have little things they are to maintain like feeding the cat, getting homework done etc.

    Thank you for the suggestions. I love getting feedback. You have given me some great ideas to think about.

  5. I just want to reassure you that you are a wonderful, I mean really wonderful, mother to those boys. Feeling inadequate is part of being a sensitive mom -- it's part of what makes you such a good mom. If you didn't care so much you wouldn't doubt yourself. I think you do an outstanding job and I'm sending you hugs {{{{{Sara}}}}}}. I am your biggest fan -- well, actually there are a lot of us who are huge fans, so I suppose I have to share that with some other people too, but you know what I mean!
    Love you, Mom